19 signs he's actually into you (and not just being polite)

He loves me, he loves me not, he...loves me?

Dating is hard — and sometimes the hardest part is simply figuring out if a guy likes you or if he's just being nice.

Everyone knows the story: You’ve been on a date or two and those damn butterflies be beating apart your stomach. You think he likes you, maybe, but what if he doesn’t? What if he’s just being polite? Leading you on? Telling you what you want to hear?

Before you lose your mind, take a breath. We’re here to help. Here are 19 signs he’s actually into you, and not just stringing you along.

He texts you without needing a prompt.

This is a big one. If you’re always the one starting a conversation, it’s hard to tell if you’re ever really on his mind.

“A man that’s interested in you and not only being polite will take the initiative to get to know you and to be a part of your life, for example by suggesting meetups or dates, ask if you’d like to join on random things he is up to as well as by texting or calling you and ask questions about you and your life.” Sofie Roos, a licensed sexologist and relationship therapist and author at Passionerad tells PRIDE.

So, if he texts you first, it means he’s initiating the communication. A good sign!

He doesn't play any games.

Nobody likes to be toyed around with, and nobody likes the games. If he's not playing any games with you and it totally seems genuine, he may actually be into you.

He calls, instead of texts.

A phone call? What’s that? Yes, we can actually talk on our smartphones.

“Men can text many dates, but it takes a lot more brain power and emotional real estate to engage in a conversation. Texting creates an out for dating multiple people because a man can always just scroll up to figure out what you'd discussed together. When a man initiates a phone conversation, he is expressing that, even for the brief conversation, he wants to give you his undivided attention as best he can,” Jai the Gentleman, dating expert and host of Dear Black Gay Men tells PRIDE.

So, if a guy foregoes the text and goes right for the phone call, that's a good sign he’s down to get to know you more.

He makes the plans for the next date.

If you’re not into someone, you either tell them, or ghost them, hoping they’ll forget about you. But if a guy is eager to spend time with you, he’ll make sure you have plans to hang out.

“[If] he initiates plans during the day, and these plans are more intimate than grabbing drinks or dinner. This typically signals that he wants to see you outside of those traditional intimate settings that are often blended into hook up culture," Milla Impola, sex, condom & lube expert at ONE Condoms tells PRIDE. "If you are doing daytime activities together, or planning things that are longer than a two-hour dinner, it’s safe to say he genuinely enjoys spending time with you and is curious in seeing how the two of you are beyond physical intimacy.

So yeah, if he’s the one setting up the next date, you can bet he’s into you.

He asks questions.

When you’re just being polite, you usually let the other person talk, adding in a few “uh-huhs” and “yeahs” to show them you’re (sort of) paying attention. But if your date is engaged in the conversation, asking questions and wanting to know more about you, it’s a good sign!

He's communicating with you. And it's not just a simple “Hey, how are you?” He's asking you questions and genuinely interested in getting to know you. He's actively listening and invested in conversation,” Tim Lagman, a sex an relationships expert at pjur tells PRIDE.

He wants you to know more about him, too. 

In the same way that someone really interested in you will want to know more about you, he will also be sharing deeper things about himself because he wants you to be just as interested in him.

"He wants to share passions and intimate details with you. He trusts you enough to tell you what makes him tick, what brings him joy, what makes him feel sad or embarrassed. This is his way of telling you he's welcoming you into his life by sharing his secrets and emotions,” explains Lagman.

He invites you to stay the night.

You watch a movie, or have dinner…maybe a little more! Then, instead of calling you an Uber, he asks you to stay the night! Yeah, he’s into you.

He talks to you during the day.

If you’re only getting “Hey, you up?” messages at 3 a.m., he might have only one thing on his mind. But, if he sends you a message during the day, saying hi, asking how your day is, telling you a funny story, all signs point to something more than a booty call, says Lagman. “If he wants to talk to you during the day, that means he's been on your mind. While the topic may veer into sexual territory, it can also mean he just wanted to tell you something because it made him think about you. What a good sign!" they explain.

He introduces you to his friends.

Bringing someone you’re dating to meet your friends is no small gesture. If he was just being polite, there’s no way he’d open up to you like that!

“Gay men tend to have a cadre of acquaintances but just one or two actual friends," explains Jai. "If he takes you out to a club and you bump into some men that he knows from social outings, that is nothing to call home about. But if he creates opportunities for you to meet people that actually matter in his life, he is expressing something more intentional to you."

Your dates are more than just dinner and a movie.

Dinner and a movie dates are so junior high. Sitting through a movie doesn’t give you the chance to talk and get to know someone. So if it’s always a night at the movies, you may be getting the cold shoulder. However, if he's getting creative with date ideas, Lagman says that'as a green flag! “He's inviting you to fun date ideas. He will show that he's interested in you based on what he proposed would be your next date idea based on your interests. This shows that he's paying attention and remembering details about you,” he says.

He reveals something embarrassing.

Maybe it’s a childhood story. Or a nervous tic. Whatever it may be, letting your guard down and revealing something embarrassing is not something you’d do for just anyone.

"Embarrassing moments are always a good gauge of the strength of a dating situation, but there's a catch. If a man tells you something embarrassing that happened previously, that could be a sign that he's building trust with you. A clearer sign that he trusts you is if he's vulnerable enough to be embarrassed in front of you,” Jai says. “Men are not vulnerable by nature, so expressing vulnerability through embarrassment, honesty, and communication are great signs that he's absolutely in to you.”

He’s honest about wanting to see other people or not.

Some may call it “having the conversation.” If he’s willing to talk about the status of your relationship, that usually means he sees it continuing in some form. Maybe he’s into you, but prefers open relationships. Maybe he’s into you and doesn’t want to see other people. Either way, if he’s sharing his feelings, it means you’re important to him.

He remembers details about you.

Small gestures mean a lot. Whether thats showing up with your favorite food, or remembering you're allergic to nuts. The key here is he is fully engaged. “If he remembers what you’ve told him, often small details that you maybe not even remember that you’ve told about, as well as if he remembers moments between you well and can recall memories you have, then that’s often a sign of you being very important to him, and many times means that he’s interested, because most can’t remember that many details about people that aren’t extra special!” explains Roos.

He makes you a priority.

We're all very busy these days, which can make it hard to prioritize people in our lives — so when it happens and its clear you are who they are focused on it's all the more meaningful. “A man that prioritizes you over other things and people are often interested," says Roos. "This can be noticed for example at a social gathering such as a party or dinner. If he is clearly more interested in talking and bonding with you over other people, and if he seems to shine up and put that little extra effort in making your moment good, then he’s most likely into you!”

He tells his family about you.

This doesn’t mean you have to meet his family, but if he tells a sibling or a cousin or a parent or anybody else who shares any type of blood relation to him about you, he may actually be into you. Lagman explain why thats so meaningful. "He's proud that you're in his life and wants to share that with his inner circle and even wants you to be part of that circle,” they explain.

Bonus sign, if he does want you to meet the fam, he’s for realsie serious.

He posts about you on social media.

He doesn’t necessarily need to tell the world he “belongs” to you. But if you’ve taken a picture or two together that you see pop up on his feed, maybe accompanied with a cute caption, he might be subtly letting everyone know who’s really got his interest.

He wants to get closer to you — literally.

Does it seem like he always finds some excuse to move in a little closer? That is a sign of interest. "Proximity can be a good sign he wants to be more intimate. He'll give subtle hints like brushing your arm or “accidentally” touching your hand. This is a good sign that he's attracted to you.” says Lagman.

He cooks for you.

Honey, if he pulls out the pots and pans and whips something up for a meal together, he’s a keeper. It doesn’t have to be a gourmet meal, but any time or effort spent in the kitchen making sure you’re fed is a sure sign he’s actually interested.

He straight up tells you.

It can be a bit of a shock, and it can also seem too good to be true sometimes, but there is the occasional man who will actually just be upfront and tell you when he's into you. A crazy concept, I know, but it can (and does) actually happen.

Experts cited: 

Jai the Gentleman, dating expert and host of Dear Black Gay Men tells PRIDE.

Tim Lagman, a sex an relationships expert at pjur tells PRIDE.

Sofie Roos, a licensed sexologist and relationship therapist and author at Passionerad tells PRIDE.

Milla Impola, sex, condom & lube expert at ONE Condoms