From strap ons to scissoring, lesbian sex comes in a rainbow of flavors, so even if you think you’ve got game in the bedroom, there is probably stuff you don’t know and it couldn’t hurt to brush up on your skills. Oral sex is a staple, and if you’re routine is the same every time, it may be time to try some new things so you can become a certified oral sex god.
Ok, so our experts taught you tips and tricks to take you from an inexperienced newbie to a seasoned giver. Now, you’re ready to level up so that when your partner reaches the big O, your neighbors think you’re killing them.
Once you’ve mastered the basics, it’s time to take things to the next level, so we’ve talked to LGBTQ+ sex experts to find out what you can do to take your partner from “That was great” to “I think I might have blacked out there for a minute!”
Whether you’re a former oral sex newbie looking for new techniques to try or you have years of worshipping the vulva under your belt, these experts will have make you look like you have an award-winning tongue to any queer woman or trans and nonbinary folks you want to get biblical with.
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Since not everyone naturally lubricates, and certain medications like SSRIs and antihistamines can make you dry as a bone, lube can make the experience so much better. “Keeping things slippery is key, so adding in a vagina safe lube, like the tasty flavored line from Sliquid, helps keep things wet and wild,” queer and nonbinary certified sex educator Dr. Shanna K. Kattari tells PRIDE.
So you already know your way around a vulva and are ready to level up your game, then it’s time to add toys into your rotation. According to Kattari, who wrote Oral Sex That'll Blow Her Mind: An Illustrated Guide to Giving Her Amazing Orgasms, you should try out things like nipple clamps, blindfolds, and vibrators. “Consider having your partner wear a butt plug while you're eating out on the town (or wear one yourself!),” she says.
Beds are great for newbies to cunnilingus, but Kattari recommends trying out some new spots now that you have the basics down. “People assume cunnilingus has to happen in bed, but you can also do it on the edge of (or even in!) a pool or hot tub if you have access, on your knees while your partner sits on the couch, while sitting in a chair while your partner spreads they legs on the kitchen counter, or in the back of an SUV while camping,” she says.
Open communication should be a cornerstone of your sex life, but during the act, it can also be a fun way to learn what makes your sexual partner tick. You can try different things and ask, “Which feels better, number one or number two?” Tell them to grab your hair and guide you where they want your mouth, or even hand them a riding crop and tell them to swat you when they’re enjoying themselves.
“There is a myth that we are all just naturally supposed to be in tune with our lovers and know exactly what pleases them, but let's be real; communication is key, and the more you know about what works for them, the better a time you both will have,” Kattari explains.
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Since every vulva is different, Kattari suggests spending some time trying to figure out what areas are the most sensitive on a new partner. “If you consider the top of the clit to be 12 on a clock, take some time (pun intended) to lick and suck all the way around, and figure out what numbers on the clock seem to get the best responses from your partner,” she says.
Bisexual licensed sexologist and relationship therapist Sofie Roos recommends changing up your rhythm and pressure to find out what gets your lover closer to the finish line, and try using your tongue to make figure 8 patterns, circles, as well as up and down, and side to side motions on their clit.
“This makes the oral sex more dynamic and interesting for your partner, and while you shouldn’t overdo this since most people with vaginas like some consistency during sex to be able to build up the orgasm, you can play around with it with some style,” she says.
Learning how to turn the dial up and back down on your partner's arousal can make the experience last longer and end with an earth-shattering orgasm. Roos says you should use your tongue on their clit to slowly build them toward an orgasm and then stop whenever you feel them teetering on the edge or they tell you they are getting close. Once you’ve waited for your partner to calm down, repeat the whole process four or five times until they’re begging you to let them climax.
Roos warns that this may be too intense for some people, but that “most will think you’re a pussy eating god” if you master how to edge the clit with your tongue.
Once you’ve mastered oral, level up by adding in anal play, Roos suggests. The anus is super sensitive too, so try alternating between rimming and licking their clit, or keep your tongue busy eating your partner out while you insert your finger into their ass. Again, lube is key here, too. Roos says this can be a game changer because the anus has “sensitive nerves that makes the brain light up of pleasure if they are being stimulated, and in combination with oral sex, this will give a sexual experience that’s unforgettable!”
Roos says you’ll be able to send “your partner to another galaxy” once you’ve mastered giving oral and fingering at the same time — there is a reason The Rabbit reaches both places. Try placing a pillow under your partner’s lower back to get the best angle and then go to town using your tongue on their clit while stimulating their G-spot with your fingers. “When finding a way that you can finger and perform oral in a pleasurable way — at the same time — you’ll be unstoppable,” she says.
While stopping and starting is great for edging, once your partner is getting close to climaxing and you’re ready to send them over the edge, Don’t. Change. Anything. Especially the tempo. According to Roos, when you’re ready to “leave the beginners phase of eating puss,” the next step is mastering tempo, which can be tricky for eager newbies. When you feel you’re partner’s pleasure ramping up, keep the tempo the same, but add more pressure and then stay the course until they cum. “Don’t give up,” she says, “even if you feel like you’ve been going on forever — to build up a nice orgasm takes time!”
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Once you’ve got the basics down, it’s time to start experimenting with new positions. Having your partner lying on their back while you’re between their legs is a great place to start, but now that you’re turning into a pussy licking god, you can do better. “Try new angles or positions to reach different nerve endings and keep things exciting,” recommends Queer adult performer Gia Green. Have your partner sit on your face and tell them to ride you while you devour them or bend them over any surface in your house and eat them out from behind — the possibilities are endless!
Whether your partner is a cis lesbian, trans masc, or has a vulva but doesn’t identify as a woman, you’ll make the experience amazing for them if you honor their identity and how they like their body touched and talked about. “We need to queer up the conversation around oral sex,” Green says. “When it comes to oral sex, it’s essential to approach the experience as a celebration of the unique individual in front of you, honoring their identity and preferences.” So take the time to ask your partner how they relate to their body, how they want it touched (Green says that some trans masc folks may want to be sucked off more), and what language they prefer you use when talking about their body.
Ok, so you’ve mastered the art of cunnilingus, but what do you do when their orgasm is over? Now it’s time for aftercare, so snuggle, talk about the experience, and make sure they know you had an amazing time. “The scene doesn't end after the climax,” Green explains. “Cuddle and share what you both enjoyed, ask what felt best or if there’s anything they’d like to try next time, and express gratitude for the experience.”
